My cat gives me a boner
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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