Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
