Dual....:-)
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
