Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
