You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
