I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
cat food counts as protein by the way
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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