i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
