I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
