Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He passed out mid-signature
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
