So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
