You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
a search helicopter?!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
