U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize