toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
