you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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