I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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