ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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