I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
