Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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