Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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