if i can run in heels then i can drive
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
