The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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