the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
