big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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