I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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