We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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