Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
