I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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