You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
