No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
