you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
