Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
