I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
