i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
