Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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