I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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