I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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