i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize