now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
