just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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