There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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