So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
