I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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