She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
