:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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