look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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