you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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