Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
