it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A+ Viking dick
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
