i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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