I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
