Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
