My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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