a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
