Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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