i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
