no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
