Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
