you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
