I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
