Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if only i could text you this smell
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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