Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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