Sponge bath it is.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
