what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
