Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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