Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize