No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
