No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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