Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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