watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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