k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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