the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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