i need an iv and a liver transplant
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
