bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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