just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
